dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
