how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
