I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
