I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
