You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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