help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
