Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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