I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up