Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You made out with two different species that night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.