Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM