I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed