It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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