I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me