You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies