Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've blown a few things in my day
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying