clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry