Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.