A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
