she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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