Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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