i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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