Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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