I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
