I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
