He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize