New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
