If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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