question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
