these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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