She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
