Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize