Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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