it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
