My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
