You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
