Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
