Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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