I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
