I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
