I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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