if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize