At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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