remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drake has all the answers
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my liver is dry heaving
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
