so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
