i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize