dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
