I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
