I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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