i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
