if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
