Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
