Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
