Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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