Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
