every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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