Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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