as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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