...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
