shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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