im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
