i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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