Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
