i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
