im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
