WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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