I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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