She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
