I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
