I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How naked do you want me to be?
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