The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
