Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
