Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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