she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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