Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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