Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
