And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
