Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
